


We're Not Lovers (We're Just Strangers)

by ThirteenthMouse6572



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Based on a Poem, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamory, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, alternate title: Sad Minseok Story, lapslock, minseok is very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-24 02:25:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13801419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirteenthMouse6572/pseuds/ThirteenthMouse6572
Summary: kim minseok was in love with jongdae and baekhyun. more specifically, in love with their loving gazes and warm touches. he knew it was selfish, but he wanted their warmth to himself.





	1. Part I: For Me 'Tis Only Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> title from halsey's 'strangers'  
> based on the poem 'a love song' by william gay
> 
> disclaimer: i do not condone any of minseok's coping mechanisms, as they are unhealthy (hence the tag)

**Part I - For Me 'Tis Only Dawn**

jongdae and baekhyun had been friends with minseok for as long as the elder remembered. the two younger boys being inseparable from each other, and minseok; who always stood right beside them but always felt like he was a million miles away.

it was only a matter of time before jongdae and baekhyun finally confessed to each other. minseok was there when it happened, the two others acting like they were drunk - even though neither of them had gotten through more than three-quarters of a beer. the night started with an awkward tension, and ended when minseok left the apartment with an awkward 'goodbye.'

it was only a matter of time before jongdae and baekhyun finally confessed to each other and left minseok by himself. as soon as minseok stepped outside of jongdae's apartment that night, he furiously rubbed at his eyes to rid them of the streaks of salty tears that betrayed him. he berated himself as he walked out of the apartment block, yelling at himself in his head that he should be happy for jongdae and baekhyun, how they were the perfect couple and would last for a long time, if not forever.

but as much as minseok wanted to be happy for the couple, he was jealous of the two. whenever he looked at them, all happy smiles and loving eyes, minseok wanted someone to look at him like that. he wanted someone to look at him with genuine, unadulterated, _love_ in their eyes. he wanted someone to smile at him, to take care of him, that he could love without feeling afraid.

minseok realised, after a week of thoughts of jongdae and baekhyun swimming around in his mind, that he didn't want _someone_ to look at him with love, he wanted _jongdae and baekhyun_ to look at him with love.

the realisation scared him enough that he cut contact with the two, and didn't leave his own apartment for a month. times like this, he was glad to work from home.

after three weeks of not talking to anybody but himself and the birds that landed on his windowsills, minseok didn't feel like himself anymore. he knew that, somewhere deep in the endless abyss of his mind, he still loved jongdae and baekhyun. he knew that his love for the two would never dissipate, that it would always haunt the lonely shell of a human that he had become.

he knew that his feelings would never leave, but it didn't stop him from hating it. he loathed the love that his heart held. he didn't want it to be there, and he wished that he could reach into his brain and cut the feelings loose. maybe he would be able to cut all memories of jongdae and baekhyun out of his mind.

their happy and loving smiles, the way they looked at each other when they didn't realise they weren't alone, the way they always seemed to be touching. it made minseok sick to his stomach, and he wanted to forget it. he would rather have blank memories than memories that made him yearn for the warmth in their eyes to be directed at him - even for just a _second_.

after five weeks - over a month - of isolation, minseok cried. he wasn't sure what made him crack, nor how long it had been since he felt anything but emptiness, but it just happened. he sat on his couch, knees to his chest and face buried between them, and allowed himself to cry silently. his body shook and minseok knew that he wasn't breathing properly, but he couldn't find it in him to bother fixing it. if this was how he went, so be it. if he was dead, he wouldn't have to constantly think about jongdae and baekhyun.

minseok vaguely registered somebody knocking on his door. it took him a while to realise that he should probably go and answer it, but only a second to realise that his body wasn't responding to what he wanted to do. he wanted to call out, ask the person at the door to help him, but all that came out was a strangled sob. minseok gave up soon after, closing his eyes tightly and hoping that he could just die quickly.

he didn't hear the door opening, nor did he realise that someone had entered the apartment until a soft hand brushed minseok's hair out of his face. minseok flinched away from the touch, but the person didn't stop brushing his hair back, occasionally holding their palm against minseok's forehead.

the person started talking to someone - presumably on the phone based on how minseok couldn't hear a reply in the moments of silence - and minseok instantly knew that it was baekhyun. he froze at the smooth voice of the man in front of him and couldn't bring himself to face a part of the reason he was like this in the first place.

baekhyun's hand left his hair and minseok hoped that that was the end of it, that baekhyun would just leave minseok alone with his feelings and loneliness. unfortunately for minseok, baekhyun only left his position in front of him for a few seconds, returning later with a chair and sitting back down.

the hand returned to minseok's forehead, and minseok wanted to disappear right then. he could hear baekhyun muttering that he would be alright and to focus on his breathing, but with baekhyun right there the last thing on minseok's mind was breathing. baekhyun moved his hand from minseok's forehead to his cheek and he felt baekhyun's fingers hook underneath his chin to push his head up slightly. his first instinct was to defy the motion, but minseok found that he could never say no to baekhyun when he first met him, nor could he do it now. minseok let baekhyun push his head up slightly, and he hated how baekhyun gasped slightly when their eyes met. minseok looked down at his knees after, not wanting to face baekhyun again and see the disappointment in his eyes.

baekhyun breathed out minseok's name, and minseok was surprised at how genuinely worried he sounded. minseok steeled his nerves and looked back up at baekhyun, resisting the urge to reach out to the other's face when he noticed the tears forming in the corners of baekhyun's eyes. minseok's brain registered that he should probably do something, but it didn't provide any helpful tips on what minseok should do.

minseok was startled out of his thoughts by the front door being pushed open, revealing jongdae's worried face. jongdae closed the door behind him and walked up to minseok and baekhyun, perching himself on the edge of the couch beside minseok.

minseok looked down at his knees again and breathed in deeply, closing his eyes and leaning forward so that his forehead was leaning against his knees. the room was quiet for too long, and by the time somebody spoke up minseok had evened out his breathing.

it was jongdae who broke the silence with a small voice, which was unlike his normal loud presence. "minseok," jongdae whispered, and minseok could feel somebody run their hands through the hairs on the back of his head. "did we do this?"

minseok was quick to react, shooting his head up and shaking it. it very much was their fault that minseok was like this, but minseok didn't want them to feel guilty because he couldn't control his own feelings.

baekhyun reached out for one of minseok's hands, taking it gently in his own and moving his head so that he was looking minseok in the eyes. minseok could see something reflecting in the back of baekhyun's eye, although he couldn't place exactly what it was. when baekhyun spoke, his voice watery and choked as if he was trying not to cry, it took all of minseok's willpower to not kiss baekhyun right then.

"minseok," baekhyun said, taking a deep breath. "if anything is wrong, you can tell us." minseok felt jongdae's hand rest on the small of his back, a calming presence and something that held minseok down in ways that jongdae could probably never realise.

minseok tried to talk - tried to say that he was sorry for messing up so badly - but, after going so long without using his voice enough, he found he couldn't reply. jongdae's hand travelled up minseok's spine and rubbed between his shoulder blades. baekhyun gave minseok a sad smile and kissed the knuckle of minseok's ring finger. "have you had anything to eat, or at least drink, today?" jongdae asked.

minseok shook his head guiltily, ducking his head in shame. baekhyun ran his thumb over the back of minseok's hand and lifted up minseok's head with his other hand. he smiled at minseok, and minseok respond with a small smile of his own. baekhyun gently rubbed minseok's cheek with his thumb and looked over at jongdae, who left the couch and walked out of minseok's vision.

"hey," baekhyun murmured, leaning in so that minseok could feel his breath against his lips, "if we've done something wrong, please tell us. it's been over a month since we last saw each other, and we were worried about you."

minseok shook his head in reply, hoping that baekhyun would know what he meant, and leaned into baekhyun's hand, wishing that he could feel the other's warmth all throughout his body. the two stayed in the silence of the living room, baekhyun holding minseok's cheek with one hand and rubbing that back of minseok's palm with the other until jongdae returned from the kitchen with a glass of water, an apple and a knife.

minseok wordlessly took the glass of water when it was offered and took a small sip. the cold water felt good against his dry throat, and he found himself gulping the rest of the water down, jongdae and baekhyun telling him to slow down only slightly working.

once the water was finished, baekhyun placed it on the coffee table behind him and smiled warmly at minseok, who responded in kind. minseok turned and looked at jongdae, who was cutting off a small piece of the apple with the knife. he watched as jongdae held up the apple piece to minseok's lips, confusing him.

"eat it," jongdae said, with a strict yet caring tone. "you have to eat something." minseok hesitated for a slight second, before gingerly taking the apple piece out of jongdae's fingers and chewing on it slowly.

jongdae seemed pleased and cut off another piece, offering it to baekhyun this time, who took it with a smile and ate it quickly. jongdae alternated between feeding minseok and baekhyun the apple, occasionally eating a piece himself, until the apple was finished.

this time it was baekhyun who left for the kitchen to dispose of the apple core and refill the empty glass, leaving minseok in silence with jongdae. "i know you probably want to be left alone," jongdae started, trailing off at the end of the sentence and looking at minseok. minseok wanted to reply, to say that he didn't want to be alone anymore, but his voice betrayed him and stayed hidden in his throat. jongdae breathed deeply and continued, "but do you want to come home with me and baekhyun?"

minseok didn't know how to respond, even when baekhyun came back and sat down he stayed silent. on one hand, he didn't want to stay here alone with his thoughts and feelings, and baekhyun and jongdae's eyes hold so much warmth in them. but on the other hand, minseok didn't think he would be able to live being around the two with all their love for each other.

baekhyun placed a hand on minseok's knee as he sat down and tilted his head slightly when minseok looked over at him. "we won't pressure you into anything you don't want to do," he said.

minseok flicked his tongue out of his mouth to wet his lips, and he knew he was in too deep when he thought baekhyun's eyes followed the motion. "i'll-" minseok said with a rough voice. "i'll go."

baekhyun smiled, a genuinely happy smile directed at minseok, and jumped out of his chair, embracing minseok. jongdae laughed for a bit before telling baekhyun to let go of minseok because otherwise he'd 'squish the poor man, baekhyun, come on.' minseok would be lying to himself if he said that he didn't immediately miss the comforting warmth of baekhyun's hug.

jongdae stood up off the couch and offered his hands to minseok, who stared up at him. "come on," jongdae said a little too loudly, but minseok was glad he was back to his usual room-filling presence, "you should at least get some clothes and other things before we leave."

minseok took jongdae's hands and allowed him to pull him up off the couch. minseok stumbled slightly as he stood, but jongdae steadied him quickly. baekhyun had already run through the apartment and into minseok's bedroom, leaving jongdae and minseok to follow him at a slower pace.

"i'm glad you're alright," jongdae muttered as they walked. "i don't know what i'd do if you weren't." minseok didn't respond, not trusting himself, but he smiled slightly.

it may have been dark outside, the slight light that the moon provided filtering through the curtains, but for minseok, it was only dawn. the beginning of something new. it was impossible, in minseok's mind, that either jongdae or baekhyun would like him back, let alone both of them, but he was content to have the worry in their eyes directed at him instead of warmth. at least it meant that they were looking at him, even if it wasn't exactly like what minseok would have wanted.


	2. Part II: Although the Day Be Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baekhyun invites minseok into his and jongdae's bed

**Part II - Although the Day Be Gone**

although minseok had only planned to stay with jongdae and baekhyun with a day or two, he found himself still asleep in their spare bedroom a week later, staring up at the white ceiling and letting his mind sift through the memories and feelings floating around in his head.

his phone sat on the bed beside him, still uncharged like it had been for three weeks. he knew that he had unanswered messages and missed calls from his friends, but it was the ones from baekhyun and jongdae that scared him. he didn't want to know what they had thought of him for all those weeks.

minseok breathed in deeply, letting the too-clean scent of the room fill his lungs. he knew that jongdae and baekhyun were only in the other room, if he knocked on the wall behind the headboard of the bed he would most certainly get an answer, but he felt alone.

not the alone he felt in isolation, a different alone. he knew that, if he just asked them, jongdae and baekhyun would keep him company but minseok didn't want to disrupt their only time together since he had come to their home.

he felt alone, but he was fine with it. he could deal with the hours alone as long as he had jongdae and baekhyun close by. minseok knew it was selfish of him, but he couldn't help it. their presence in the apartment and the small touches they gave him throughout the day were filled with warmth, and minseok never wanted it to go away.

minseok looked outside the window beside the bed, watching as clouds rolled across the lightening sky. it was early, too early to be awake, but that was all that minseok knew about the time. he sighed and reached over to the charger that laid across the bed sheets, plugging it into his phone and placing it back down.

he heard the squeak of jongdae and baekhyun's bed from behind his head, followed by a groan from baekhyun. minseok stayed quiet and listened to the sounds of baekhyun waking up; the bed squeaking as he left it and the quiet rumbling of the sliding door to their bedroom.

minseok was startled when the door to what was now arguably his room opened revealing baekhyun standing there, rubbing his eyes and yawning. baekhyun frowned slightly when he noticed minseok was awake.

"did you wake up really early, or did you just not go to sleep?" he asked, walking into the room and crouching on the floor beside minseok's head.

minseok didn't reply but baekhyun knew what the answer was anyway. it had been the same answer as the past few days. baekhyun brushed minseok's hair out of his eyes, his face adopting a thoughtful look.

baekhyun smiled softly after a while, standing up and offering his hands to minseok. "how about you come sleep with me and dae?" he asked, startling minseok.

minseok looked up at baekhyun, waiting for the other to say he was kidding. when nothing happened, and the room was filled with only the sound of cars driving past, minseok spoke up; "are you sure?" he asked. "i don't want to... intrude or anything."

baekhyun shook his head and grabbed minseok's hands gently, pulling him up so that minseok was sitting on the edge of the bed. "you're not indruding if i invite you," he reassured minseok. "come on, otherwise jongdae will complain about being cold all morning."

minseok stayed where he was for a while, looking down at his hands in baekhyun's as he thought. he had been dreaming about waking up beside jongdae and baekhyun but now that he got a chance to do it, he wasn't quite sure how to answer. "minseok?" baekhyun asked, confusion in his tone. "are you alright?"

minseok looked up at baekhyun and nodded, giving him a small smile. "i'm fine," he replied, standing up from the bed and shivering slightly when his feet touched the cold floor.

baekhyun didn't look very convinced but he smiled back anyway, linking his and minseok's fingers together and leading minseok down the hallway and into his bedroom. "dae," baekhyun sing-songed, letting go of minseok's hand and crawling on top of the bed, kneeling beside jongdae. "i brought a friend."

minseok watched quietly as jongdae frowned in confusion, before looking over at minseok and smiling, beckoning him into the bed with a wave of his hand. without a word spoken between the three, they managed to get into a positon with minseok between the other two.

it was warm between them, minseok thought. he decided that, even if this would probably never happen again, it was nice. he felt happy, wanted, warm. he felt loved.

minseok closed his eyes, stifling a yawn, and shuffled around slightly into a comfortable position. minseok felt the duvet be draped over him, someone adjusting it so that it laid over his shoulder. baekhyun moved behind him, and minseok froze when he felt baekhyun's breath across his neck. baekhyun didn't pay any mind to minseok's lack of movement and just settled down behind him.

minseok, even as tired as he was, couldn't sleep that night. he couldn't sleep most nights, but now that he was in a bed with jongdae and baekhyun, he was hyper-aware of everything that happened. he opened his eyes when he heard a yawn, and was met with jongdae staring at him, his eyes half-lidded and a small smile on his face.

"have you slept?" jongdae muttered, lifting his head to look over minseok at the alarm clock on baekhyun's side.

minseok nodded in reply, deciding that lying to jongdae would be better than having the other disappointed in him. jongdae's frown probably meant that he didn't believe minseok anyway but he didn't push it, instead choosing to stretch his arms above his head. he opened his mouth in a silent yawn and settled back down onto his pillow.

minseok and jongdae looked at each other in silence for a while, resting comfortably in the dawn light. minseok hadn't seen jongdae in the soft orange-pink light before, with ruffled hair and a sleepy smile on his face, but he decided that this was how he wanted to see the other forever.

jongdae broke the peace by asking minseok a question that confused him. "what do you want to do today?" he asked quietly. minseok narrowed his eyes in confusion at the other, trying to figure out what he meant. "minseok? what did you want to do today?" jongdae asked again, wiggling slightly closer to minseok.

minseok wondered why jongdae would ask him what he wanted to do, when he and baekhyun hardly got any time away from him, and he voiced his concern to jongdae.

jongdae just smiled in reply and moved closer to minseok so that he and minseok could touch foreheads if either of them tilted their head slightly. minseok looked into jongdae's eyes, which were closed slightly but still held something that minseok couldn't identify. "just think of what you want to do, and we can do it," jongdae muttered, pressing their foreheads together. "you deserve it, minseok."

minseok froze at jongdae's words. it was one thing to hear jongdae say it to him when he bought minseok a cupcake for coming first in a spelling bee, it was another thing all together in the early morning when jongdae was so close that minseok could hear his breathing.

"why?" minseok found himself whispering. he felt a tightness in his chest and a prickle at the corner of his eyes. jongdae frowned at minseok and pulled his head away.

"because," jongdae said gently, "you deserve the world, minseok. no, you deserve the entire universe." the tightness in minseok's chest became a lump in his throat at jongdae's words, and he struggled to find a response. jongdae didn't seem to mind though, and kept talking.

"you're a wonderful person and, even if you don't think it sometimes, you have so many people who love you and care about you." jongdae closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. "we love you, minseok. you can trust us."

minseok stayed silent, trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall. he didn't trust himself to speak, but he didn't know what he would say anyway. he hadn't been spoken to like that before and he certainly wasn't expecting it.

jongdae opened his eyes again after a few awkward seconds of silence, broken only by minseok's heavy breathing. minseok felt a single tear fall down his cheek and heard the small noise it made when it hit the pillow he was lying on. jongdae gasped quietly and reached out to brush away the tears forming in minseok's eyes with his thumb.

"no, wait, don't cry," jongdae said hurriedly. "i'm sorry, i didn't mean to make you sad. i just-" he stopped talking when minseok gently pressed the tips of his fingers to jongdae's lips and smiled softly, trying to reassure the other.

jongdae stared at minseok for a long second, neither one moving. minseok watched as jongdae's eyes flicked downwards, before looking back up to minseok's eyes. minseok took his hand away from jongdae's lips and curled it into his chest.

minseok felt claustrophobic, hyper-aware of jongdae's breathing and baekhyun's slight twitching in his sleep. jongdae didn't say anything, only moved away from minseok and avoided his eyes, ducking his head in what looked like shame.

"you should go to sleep," jongdae muttered, turning on his side and facing the other way. "goodnight."

minseok stared at the back of jongdae's head, wondering what he did wrong. by the time he could mutter a reply, jongdae's breathing had already evened out.

the room became quieter without jongdae and minseok could hear his own heartbeat in his ears, filling in the silence with a steady drumming. minseok couldn't deal with the silence, so he carefully slipped out of the bed and padded over towards the door.

before he opened the door minseok looked back at the bed, taking in the sight of the two men bathed in orange hues. more tears started to form and minseok forced himself to look away and leave before baekhyun could wake up again and convince him to stay.

the door was loud when he opened it and minseok quickly walked towards what he was reluctant to call his room. not bothering to close the door after him, minseok walked to his bed and collapsed on it, curling into a ball around his pillow and letting the tears fall down his face.

minseok had admitted to himself the second night he stayed at baekhyun and jongdae's house that he was selfish. he wanted to keep them to himself. to keep the warmth in their eyes and their embraces and smiles to himself. he wanted them to love him.

but now that jongdae said they did love him, minseok wasn't sure he wanted to stay if it was going to be as awkward as it was before. he felt his phone vibrate beside him, which startled him out of his thoughts, and he looked over at the light coming out of the gap between the phone screen and the bedsheets.

minseok stared at the light until it faded away and then stared at the phone itself for another few minutes, losing himself in the 'what if's of picking it up and looking at the notifications - if there were any. he took a deep breath and picked up the phone, unlocking it without glancing at the notifications for too long. the background made fresh tears slide down his face with memories of a better time, albeit a specific time with a very drunk jongdae and baekhyun, but a better one nonetheless.

looking at the notifications on his messages - 99+, the icon told him - minseok decided that he shouldn't look at them that early in the morning when he was running on barely minutes of sleep. he turned off his phone and placed it back down on the bedsheets, turning over in the bed and burying his face in the pillow.

he wished he could go back to the better time, captured forever in picture and in minseok's mind. a better time, where minseok didn't feel like the perpetual third wheel to jongdae and baekhyun. he liked that time. it was happier, and minseok was happier as well.

minseok swallowed thickly and breathed in shakily. when did everything change so suddenly?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed this chapter! part III being posted probably next week sunday or monday :D


	3. Part III: Who Brings Me The Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minseok goes home

minseok left baekhyun and jongdae's apartment later that day, not being able to deal with the tension between he and jongdae, nor baekhyun's obvious confusion to why the two were avoiding each other. he left with the excuse that he was only 'going out to get some air', but once the door was closed behind him, minseok walked in the direction to his apartment, his muscles knowing the way even if minseok wasn't in the right frame of mind to consciously get home himself, nor could he see very well through the tears.

when he arrived home, he stood in front of the door for a while. he hadn't been home in what felt like ages. it was going to be the same as when he last left it, when baekhyun and jongdae helped him.

taking a deep breath to calm himself, minseok unlocked the door and pushed it open. the familiar smell of home hit him immediately, making him smile for a slight second.

the apartment was dark and now it held bad memories for minseok, of when he was at his lowest. he didn't want to go back to that state of mind, but in the back of his brain he knew. he knew that he never actually left it, just allowed jongdae and baekhyun to hold it off for as long as they could.

he could feel it creeping up on him already and memories crashed into his head like a wave. minseok quickly stepped inside and closed the door behind him, sliding down the wall and running his hands through his hair.

he couldn't go back to this, minseok told himself. it was terrible, lonely, and he felt... he felt unloved in the apartment. the shadows in his mind whispered to him, leading him back down into the dark abyss.

no tears fell as minseok sat on the floor. he stayed there silently, staring at a joint between two floorboards blankly and letting himself fall back down into the darkness he had fought so hard to climb out of.

he wondered what baekhyun and jongdae were doing at that moment. were they looking for him? did they even realise he had left? did they care?

no, minseok thought firmly, they must have realised that he left. jongdae said that they cared about him, and it wasn't like they got anything out of looking after him. minseok reassured himself that they were probably just giving him a bit of space to himself for a while.

although, that reassurance slowly dissipated as the weeks went on without any contact with anyone, and soon minseok was back to his own ways of sitting in the only lit room in the house and talking to the birds that landed on the other side of the open window.

the office had long since become a danger hazard, broken glass lying scattered across the floor from the picture frames that minseok had broken one unfortunate day. he didn't have the energy to sweep it up, so he instead he just dealt with the pain of accidentally stepping on a piece whenever he walked in or out.

one photo remained untouched, sitting precariously on the edge of a shelf, threatening to fall down whenever minseok so much as breathed in its direction.

a picture of jongdae and baekhyun, one that they sent him jokingly for his birthday. they didn't know that he kept it framed in his office, nor do they know that it's one of his most prized possessions.

he looked back to his computer after a few seconds of staring at the picture and sighed at how little he had done in such a long time.

minseok heard a knock at the door and he closed his eyes when baekhyun's voice echoed through the apartment, calling out his name. minseok didn't move, knowing that he gave both baekhyun and jongdae a key to his apartment and that baekhyun was eventually going to let himself in.

no more than ten seconds after minseok thought it, he heard the click of the lock on the front door followed by the squeak as it opened. baekhyun called out minseok's name once more as he presumably walked into the apartment. minseok heard him tell someone to 'stay right there' and minseok froze, hands hovering over the keyboard. the person that baekhyun was talking to was most likely jongdae and minseok wasn't sure how awkward it would be for them to talk to each other.

the door to minseok's office opened with a slight squeak and soon after minseok felt baekhyun lean on the back of his chair, resting his chin on minseok's head.

"what are you doing?" baekhyun asked, running a hand through minseok's hair. minseok sighed and closed the document he was working on and shutting the laptop lid.

"i was trying to do work, but it wasn't going anywhere," minseok replied, closing his eyes and subconsciously leaning into baekhyun's hand. "why are you here?"

"jongdae and i came because we need to talk to you about something," baekhyun replied, seeming cautious about his word choices. "also, we have your phone."

minseok knew they had his phone. he left it there on purpose out of fear. fear of what they had thought of him, fear of the constant messages he wouldn't have had the willpower to ignore. but most of all, fear that his phone would stay silent. no messages, no missed calls. just silence.

baekhyun stopped playing with minseok's hair and took his chin off minseok's head, tugging at the back of his chair. "can you come talk to us?" baekhyun asked quietly. "please?"

minseok sighed and nodded, pushing his chair away from the desk and standing up on shaky legs. he knew it was inevitable that he would have to talk to baekhyun and jongdae, but he wasn't prepared for it. "let's go," he said to baekhyun, who gave him a reassuring smile and held out his hand for minseok to take.

he took the offered hand and allowed baekhyun to walk with him out of the office and into the living room, where jongdae was sitting on the single armchair with his knees drawn up to his chest. jongdae looked up when baekhyun called his name and looked at minseok warily.

minseok sat next to baekhyun on the couch, fiddling with the hem of his shirt and not looking either of them in the eye. baekhyun took one of minseok's hands and linked their fingers together, rubbing his thumb over the back of minseok's hand. minseok looked up at jongdae, expecting to see jealousy or anger on his face. instead, jongdae only looked at baekhyun and minseok's intertwined hands for a second before looking up at minseok and giving him a small smile.

"minseok," baekhyun broke the silence, "jongdae and i wanted to talk to you about something. but you have to promise to hear us out until the end, okay?"

minseok could feel his heart thump against his chest at baekhyun's words. he nodded his head in reply and looked up at baekhyun. "promise." baekhyun smiled and squeezed minseok's hand.

jongdae sighed and shifted in the armchair. "it's kind of about what i said when you stayed over," he muttered, but minseok still heard it in the silence of the room. jongdae paused, looking down at his hands. "i... i wasn't supposed to say that," he admitted. "i'm sorry."

minseok's mind went from 0 to 100 extremely quick, thoughts swirling around like a hurricane. what didn't jongdae mean? that he didn't deserve the world? the universe? that he wasn't wonderful? that he and baekhyun... didn't love him?

minseok's mind froze at the thought that baekhyun and jongdae didn't love him. he knew it was inevitable, since they were both happy together without minseok to distract them, but it still hurt. he didn't even realise that he started crying until baekhyun gasped quietly and gently wiped at the bottom of minseok's eye.

"minseok? darling?" baekhyun said, and minseok almost melted at the pet name. "what's wrong?" minseok shook his head in reply and moved baekhyun's hand off his face.

jongdae moved from his chair so that he was kneeling in front of minseok, his eyes flicking over minseok's face. "i'm sorry," he said, his voice rushed and panicked. "i should have thought that through more before i said it. i did mean that you deserve anything, and that you're a great person, and everything else i said." jongdae stopped and minseok could almost see him trying to pick out the right words. "it's just what i said at the end," he said carefully. "i wasn't supposed to say it that early."

minseok looked at jongdae with confusion, trying to figure out what he was trying to say. baekhyun hummed beside him. "what dae is trying to say, is that he wasn't lying when he said that we loved - we love - you," he said, and minseok stopped breathing for a few seconds. "we just agreed not to tell you until you felt okay again. we thought it might have been too much for you to handle after not seeing us for a while."

minseok looked between jongdae and baekhyun as he tried to calm his heart. the two showed no signs of lying to him and minseok didn't know how to reply. he still loved them, he knew that was never going to stop, but now that he was hearing them say that they loved him - they actually loved him - he froze. jongdae tilted his head after what seemed like hours of silence.

"minseok? can you say something?" he asked, sitting back on his heels. "anything?"

minseok tried to ask if they were lying to him, but all he could manage was a choked out 'lying?' baekhyun shook his head and smiled at him. "we aren't lying to you minseok," he said, cupping minseok's cheek with his hand and rubbing it gently. "we would never lie to you."

minseok looked to jongdae for an answer, even if he had already gotten the one he wanted. jongdae's smile and nod of his head confirmed what baekhyun had said and minseok stared wide eyed at him in return.

"you don't have to return what we feel," jongdae said. "we just wanted to let you know." minseok wanted to say something, to tell them that he loved them as well, tell them anything, but he couldn't. at minseok's silence, baekhyun sighed and slumped back on the couch.

"we can still be friends, right?" he asked. minseok turned to face him and could see the disappointment in his eyes. "i don't want it to be weird."

minseok stood up abruptly, not really knowing what he was doing, and walked towards a window, pulling apart the curtains and opening it to let in the light and fresh air. he knew baekhyun and jongdae were looking at him, but he didn't know what to say to them.

he took a deep breath, letting the cool air sting his nose. he stood at the window for a while before deciding that he was just going to tell them. if they were lying, he could just avoid them. he had done it for more than a month, what's the rest of his life?

he turned around and walked back to the couch in silence, sitting down beside baekhyun again. they stared at minseok curiously, waiting for a reply. "i..." minseok started, fumbling around his mind for the right words to say. "i do too," he said. "love... you, that is."

the room was quiet and minseok wondered if he shouldn't have admitted it. "you do?" jongdae asked, his eyes sparkling when minseok looked at him.

minseok nodded hesitantly, bracing for them to laugh at him and say it was a joke. instead, jongdae jumped off the ground and tackled minseok in a hug, pushing both of them against the back of the couch. baekhyun laughed and, instead of helping minseok, he joined in the hug and buried his face in minseok's shoulder.

the hug ended with jongdae sitting on minseok's lap, his knees either side of minseok's thighs and his arms around minseok's neck. baekhyun had returned to sitting on the couch normally, although he was leaning slightly on minseok.

"i think," baekhyun said, "before we go any further, we should talk about what's going to happen." jongdae gave him a curious look, and minseok just looked over at him. baekhyun sat up and turned so he was facing minseok and jongdae. "like boundaries, if minseok's going to stay here, stuff like that," baekhyun explained. "it's probably better to sort it out now."

jongdae nodded in agreement, letting go of minseok's neck. "minseok?" jongdae asked. "do you have anything you want us to know?"

minseok sat there, unmoving. he did want to tell them something, but he wasn't sure if he should tell it to them. he looked down at his lap and shrugged in reply. "minseok," baekhyun said. "if there's something you need us to know, then tell us."

minseok nodded. "i don't want to be alone," he admitted. "and i'm kind of scared." he looked up at jongdae, who smiled at him softly.

"hey, it's alright," jongdae reassured him. "it's scary for us as well, we've never done anything like this before." minseok saw baekhyun nod in agreement out of the corner of his eye.

"but, you two are already together," minseok said quietly. "i've never been in a relationship before."

baekhyun reached out and grabbed minseok's hand, getting his attention. "that's why we all have to be honest with each other," he said, looking at both jongdae and minseok. "if something makes you uncomfortable, don't be afraid to tell us."

"yeah," jongdae agreed. "we don't want you to feel left out or unimportant, okay?" minseok nodded in reply and muttered a small 'okay'. jongdae leaned forward and touched their foreheads together. "promise you'll tell us if you feel uncomfortable?" jongdae asked, closing his eyes.

"i promise," minseok replied. he heard baekhyun whine slightly from beside him, which made jongdae draw his head back from minseok's and breathe out a laugh.

"why don't we go back home?" jongdae asked. "and, maybe, this time minseok can stay for longer?" he aimed the last question at minseok, who nodded without really thinking about it. baekhyun nodded enthusiastically, jumping forward and wrapping his arms around minseok's neck.

the two helped minseok lock his house and pack his clothes - not many, since he left the ones he packed last time at jongdae and baekhyun's home. as minseok left the apartment and locked the door, he stood in place for a while. he hoped, as he left the apartment, he left the loneliness and bad memories behind with it.

he might not get better immediately, and he didn't expect to, but minseok had jongdae and baekhyun now. he wasn't alone anymore. he was scared - terrified, actually - of how it was going to work out, but he wasn't scared of his feelings. he didn't want to be scared of them any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more part left!

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed! chapter/part II coming soon :D


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